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clabbutnipts

21 Feb

It’s a lot of funs!

Handsome Me

Birds of a feather fart together!

What if a bird doesn’t have feathers, who do they flock with?

Parachuting Poop

There’s nothing strange about being strange.

It was the very last can of Jobber Juice, and it’s still for sale.

Hello Woofie

I may not know your name. But I know more than that. I know who you are. You’re a reader! The smartest and bravest type there is.

The Compound: Where Lonely Words Find a Friend

Like finding a strand of hay in a pile of needles.

Rickie was dead. But like everyone in Afterlife, he had to pay his bills. So Rickie worked as an auditor in the Department of Curses and Hexes.

Q: What would you do with one million dollars?

  • “Fly one million planes.”
  • “Start a bonfire,” said the billionaire.
  • “Donate it to science to help find a cure for homework.”
  • “I would make a milkshake. The world’s biggest vanilla and sprinkles milkshake.”
  • “Give 999,999 children 100 cents, bury 99 pennies around the world, and tape the last penny to my heart.”

Neighborly Donuts

bougloppistienyous

14 Feb

The old train had a heart of coal.

What if night lights were afraid of the dark.

Can you ship a ship? Fence on a fence? Duck behind a duck?

Citizen Snakes and Pedestrian Penguins

Wild Bore

Inverted Kangaroos jump down and up.

“Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good morning,” said the tardy Santa.

Do chimney companies measure Santa’s waist to make sure their products are ‘Christmas’ friendly?

Short Sleeve Pants

There’s no adults until… the bill comes.

Bathroom Bowling

Queen Benjamin

Barthlemoo Blasphemous

The Balding Lion

There was once a girl allergic to snow.

The Baby Fields

‘Pigs in a Blanket,’  ‘Submarine Sandwitche,’ and ‘Caesar Salad,’ are popular recipes in the “Giant’s Cookbook.”

ahhpiilahwhooeburt

7 Feb

Twice Upon A Time

His doodles of noodles were glossy and saucy.

The bulldozers arrived and cleared out the forest. They took out the trees. They took out the bushes, the grass, and even the weeds. They even dried up the brook and blew the hovering clouds away. All that remained was an big angry bear asleep in his cave. When he woke up he found himself not at the bottom of a chirping hill but next to an above ground pool full of splashing youngsters.

She wore a donut for a ring.

Meredith had four toilets. One for peeing. One for pooping. One for reading. And the last one was for all three.

Next to the bed, General Georgie had a civil war canon. It pointed towards that mysterious closet. If Georgie heard one shake, one mumble, or two rattles he would light that canon and…BOOM! Broccoli, asparagus, and liver beans would furiously fly into the dim night towards the creaky closet door.

“You have nowhere to go, but everywhere!”

Everything that says goodbye gets to say hello.

Now who on earth would buy a frown, well I know who.

Every morning for breakfast the vile troll ate five hard-boiled vulture eggs and toast with fairy dust.

Foot me down socks.

biscoomphanteen

31 Jan

What happens to a dream when it comes true?

Bippity Boppity Burp

Glue sticks & scones may dirty my phone, but no one ever calls me.

Yellow Wheeled Road

Buster McMilliewart

“I’m sitting on a turtle waiting for him to move.”

The Censor Ship sailed the waters of intolerance.

Why doesn’t the toilet say thank you?

  • Q: How do giants iron their clothes?
  • A: They use steam engines.

The Home Run Delivery Boy

To save their pork, the three little pigs should have bought the Big Bad Wolf Weight Watchers.

Pierson went to the Cloud Bank.

Mary had a little Mary. The lamb was jealous.

  • There’s something I should tell you
  • Something I need to say
  • It’s awfully quite important
  • Let’s get it out of the way…
  • “I have nothing more to say”

The Ghost Eater finished Timothy’s asparagus stew for a nominal fee.

Tommy Two Ways walks on his feet and runs on his hands. He talks with his mouth and giggles with his butt.

The Cookie Jar Genie

“Is the real Mickey Mouse inside that costume?”

With every slither, sway, and swoodle the coloring snakes painted the earth.

I asked the sun to stay.

taryegaanuhs

24 Jan

Monster Mashed Potatoes

Lord Fartwater

The butter flies into my mouth.

Q: What did the butterfly say to the caterpillar?  /  A: See you soon.

Moths love to eat clothes. They chomp 100% cotton, nibble polyester, munch and crunch through leather, and bite into morsels of wool. But not Myra the Moth. She loves clothes. In fact, she wants to be a fashion designer.

Santasaur flew in his prehistoric sleigh led by 8 flying raptors.

“On vomit, on stupid,” said Santa Claws.

“I’m all grown up,” said the Easter Rabbit as it stuffed each basket with toothpaste, ricecakes, and newspapers. Worst of all, he didn’t hide the baskets. He just placed them on the dining room table.

  • Red Denim
  • White Denim
  • Blue Denim too
  • My jeans are American
  • How about you?

Tiptoeing tonsils trek past her teeth.

Derek couldn’t afford to have his wisdom teeth removed.

It was so hot, she thought the sun was staring directly at her.

Ketchup & Mustard Ice Cream

The pillow who refused to fight.

Sleepunder

The Sleepstealer took a nap.

It was like finding a straw of hay in a pile of needles.

You can’t teach a dog old tricks. It already knows them.

boofendous

17 Jan

Boogerless Bo

This was no ordinary baby. At only one day, 7 hours, and 14 minutes old this baby had a biography longer than a parade of caterpillars.

The Food Chain Buffet

Catering Cats and Dining Dogs

Sir Good Sir

Honest Babe

The Pet School never had a human student before.

A look into this pond would reveal your shadow. But not today’s shadow. Nor yesterday’s shadow. This pond would reveal the shadow of your future. So when Bindel saw nothing…

Cursor had a way with putting his arrows in the right places.

My brother the bowling ball.

1,024 Reasons to Love Me

The seashell sold other seashells by the seashore.

Chuckling Wood

Q: Why does it rain?  /  A: Giants need to shower too

One person screamed. Then two. Then three. And four more. Suddenly everyone was screaming. But not the alien. He zapped the giant rat. One person clapped. Then two. Then three. And four more. Suddenly, everyone was clapping. But not the alien.

The ancient Chinese believed evil could linger within dolls. So one by one they plunged straw dolls into the river. But what if one was innocent? Where did it go? What did it do?

Wubbly, Fubbly, Bubbly

bomptoneous

10 Jan

It snowed on Sally’s sundae. She didn’t notice.

Above the trees, below the clouds, they were circling. Three hungry vultures flapped their wings following Timmy’s every move. They knew Timmy would soon ‘grow up’ and they were ready to ravage the leftovers of his innocence.

The giant slurped up every last drop of water in the pond then spit it up into the clouds. As fish bounced about the muddy floor, the giant ripped a milk truck in half and filled the entire pond. Then with a bulldozer as a spoon, he enjoyed his fish cereal.

Do volcanoes hibernate in winter?

While bears hibernate all winter long in caves, their shadows stay awake and roam the forests feasting on the shadows of berries.

Scratch and Sniff, the family’s cat and dog.

Finward the Bronzefish skipped over silver and turned straight into gold!

The children were flushing their boatlets across the lake.

Camelpillar

A dog breeder is a cupid for canines.

The Wherewolf helped the lost children find their way home.

Morris Code had a secret way of talking.

8 Days of Christmas

Unrecorded by history a second golem was built. The goofem!

Ooopsy Doopsie

But Donny wasn’t able to make a withdrawal at the food bank.

My daddy is a taxidermist. He turns dead animals into living statues. I’m the only kid with a real stuffed bear. I pull it in my wagon. It smells funny.

The recovering vampire sipped tomato soup.

Candy Corn on the Cob

What if your pet puppy smoked cigarettes?

Neptune reached for his rainbow and arrows.

digglokenbop

3 Jan

With only one nostril Klard had a bird’s beak smell of things.

The Zombie Princess scooped her Brainios cereal with a silver spoon.

The Tooth Store

To thwart a parade of party crashing ants, Maggie and Mitchell decided to invite a family of ants to their picnic. When unwanted guests approached the blanket they could see that some of their own had been welcomed to the feast and elected to respect their privacy.

The Pink Leprechaun

The giant had a birdcage for an earring with a live parrot inside. In case the giant couldn’t hear, the parrot repeated what was said.

Sorry’s, please’s, and thank you’s come from the heart. Bad behaviors come from the same place as farts, the backside of your underpants!

Q: Why are some clouds black?  / A: Black clouds are dirty because a giant used them as shower sponges.

Q: What’s a fairie’s favorite soda?  /  A: Sprite

The Vice King

Jeremy learned the wet way, “never ever pee in a dream.”

When the baby arrived, there was one less hug for Edmund. But also one less whisper to the plant, one less pet of the dog’s fur, one less flick of the remote.

Air Hog Day

On the 13th Day of Christmas…

Carla couldn’t believe it! Her new baby sister was bigger, taller, and older than her!

Father Goose Tries to Tell a Tale

Zombees!

kalambitoussle

27 Dec

Luke couldn’t afford a yellow headband so he stapled a bunch of banana peels to his forehead.

In swamp bathrooms, Crocodillies dry their hands first to clean them and then wash their hands to dry (wet) them.

William wondered what was in a woman’s womb. Was it like a school gymnasium? Or rather like a waiting room at the doctor’s, filled with old wrinkly magazines? Perhaps it was none of those at all, and instead an assembly line industrially piecing together each vein, bone, and fingernail.

The Bugle Bee stung me with trumpeting tunes.

Lazy Lenard hated to wash his family’s car. So instead he watched the weather forecast on the TV news and the night before a storm he would rub soap all over the car. And in the morning, the rain would have washed the car for him!

Deedle Twee and Dudle Tweem

Conner could have finished the race with a shiny medal around his neck, but he didn’t. He came in last place. Others wondered why. “Is it so you can study the other runners?” asked a girl. “Is it because you’re afraid of hearing footsteps behind you?” asked a boy. But it is both and neither of them for Conner enjoyed a nice jog. Though he especially marvelled at hearing the pursuit of a runner from behind. Their shoelace tips thrashing at the plastic sides of their sneakers, and the wiping of sweat from their forehead like a windshield wiper in the rain. Then witnessing them emerge infront of him and advance towards the next runner was a sight Conner relished. Some suggested he watch the race, but it was only when his feet left the ground did he feel alive and apart of something.

Arsenal the Air Worm

bleurtiepohs

20 Dec

In the Land of Opposites, people do push-downs to stay in shape.

Why did the fox cross the road?  /   To eat the chicken.

Knock knock  /  Who’s there?  /  Doorbell repairman.

“I’m Mr. French Toast. Here’s my business card.” It was a scratch-n-sniff. Swirls of maple syrup and cinnamon danced up his nostrils.

The celebrity plants prominently paraded down the green carpet.

The Hornless Hippo didn’t mind.

All the Z names were taken, so they named him Bob the Zebra.

Every year Frederick fell victim to April Fools Day. But not this year. Frederick made 3 1/2 peanut butter and diet jelly sandwiches, borrowed a baker’s dozen of picture books from the library, and even hired a rhinoceros to guard his bedroom door.

Do squirels in Florida store their nuts for winter?

The alligator children molded their mud castles in the swampy basin.

When in Rome, do as the other tourists do.

Fungus A. Mungus